What the crap is True Love Anyway?

This is my favorite photo of Rhett and me.
It was taken 6 years ago, almost to the day. It was one of our first dates. We had been friends for months, but at a magical night a few days prior, Rhett had crossed the intimidating and fatal "friendship boundary", testing fate by holding my hand in Denny's. That was a magical night. Lame if I told you, but magical if you'd been us.

Six years ago I thought I was so in love with him (I still am by the way). Rhett seemed like the most amazing man in the world, and I was shocked he somehow thought I was the most amazing girl in the world. Which is kind of funny how that works when you think about it. I read on blogs all the time where wives will list a whole blog entry of all the amazing qualities their husbands possess, "greatest dad in the world", "most amazing husband", etc. blah blah. We all know these entries. So how can we all have the most amazing husband in the world? I'm sure we all have friends, but gag on her husband, and wonder what she sees in him. And I guess that's my whole point. All of us normal people, see another average normal person as the most amazing person in the world, and they hopefully see us the same way.

Or I'm also reminded of a painting my little sister Lynette once did entitled "Even Ugly People Fall In Love" and it was a really ugly guy, kissing an even uglier girl, in a really awkward kiss position. I think maybe my Uncle Dean loved it and has it because he thought it was so hilarious, it was a pretty awesome painting. But it's true I think. That ugly dude in the painting saw the troll chick as a beautiful, amazing, woman. So is true love blind? All of us average people that think our average spouses are so amazing are blind to reality? I don't think so.

I don't broadcast this often, but Rhett was my first everything. I was 19 years old and had never had a relationship. That magical hand-hold at Denny's was the first time any boy had held my monster, witchy fingered hand. Rhett gave me my first kiss--which I totally botched. He was so in love with me, it made me kind of question his in intelligence, because no one had ever wanted to take me on a second date, let alone think I was a goddess or something. But after critical analysis, I concluded he was a smart individual, and just felt lucky that he found me. He was my first love, so also my one and only. So I've only romantically loved one person, one time, so I don't have a broad range of love experience, but this is what I've concluded from my experience loving my husband, being loved in return, and all the other forms of love we can receive/feel from parents, siblings, friends, etc.

To truly love someone is to see and understand their potential.

I think this is applicable to any relationship, not just the romantic love. We don't love each other for who we are, but more for what be can become. My mom could tell you a lot about that, as she still loved me during my years of being utterly wretched to her. You see, I can be pretty rotten...Rhett could also attest to the truth of that statement. But people still love me anyway. No one knows the depth of our rottenness better than us. But what is amazing to me, and what makes true love the miracle it is to me, that the people who know best how wretched I am, love me the most.

My parents have a pretty good idea of my rotten side, my husband knows even more, and God knows everything.

So that to me is what it all comes down to. How could these people know how worthless I am sometimes, but love me so much? Somehow, they take the effort or are given a gift to see my potential and help me get closer to it. Faith in who I can be, not who I am.

So I think when we all brag about how amazing our spouses and kids are, we're not out of touch with reality. I don't even think we are bias. I just think we are in the position and have the opportunity to see who these average, balding, overweight twenty/thirty-something dudes and messy, stinky, little kids can be. And everyone has the potential to be completely, incredibly, amazing--of course if they chose to be their best self.

That's what I think happened to poor Rhett when he fell in love with me. God allowed Rhett to see some lurpy, awkward, annoying lame chick as He sees her, and Rhett was swept off his feet, just as the lame chick was with him. The best advice I ever received on choosing a husband was to make sure that person made me want to be my best self. I think that synergistic compatibility is essential to succeeding in marriage. Because I think most of us, when honest, could say some days our spouse can be just another person who adds to the dishes and laundry, and I'm sure Rhett comes home and I'm just a haggard looking housekeeper sometimes. We need the eternal perspective of each other to appreciate what you have during the day in day out routine, and have the motivation from that person to be better than the bitter, haggard housekeeper you feel like that day. And of course, some days it's harder to remember their potential than others.

So love is amazing, a miracle, and I'm sure none of this is news to anyone. Hope we all have someone to love, and even better, someone who loves us back when they know just how rotten we can be.

if you read this and think I'm crazy for marrying my first boyfriend at 19 and would like further explanation, I will tell you. I like talking about it, but what a bore if you're not interested. the whole thing makes sense in my mind.