Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Most people who know me well know how much I LOVE Christmas. One of my favorite things is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert in Salt Lake City. It is amazing. I try every year to get tickets, and each year it gets more and more difficult. Currently they have a drawing system where you register your address, then a random selection process awards tickets in 2-4 ticket increments. I entered all my family's addresses for them, under the condition I could have two tickets if anyone drew out. I entered over 12 people. No one got anything. I was so bummed. Then my best friend, Molly saved the day. She drew out 3 times with family members, ending up with 12 tickets. She generously offered two for me and Rhett and made Christmas worth celebrating. The tickets were for Friday night. Oh and did I mention the musical guest this year is Natalie Cole? Daughter of the beloved Nat King Cole--whom I also LOVE, especially Christmas music!

Anyway, my fall and winter were cringing on the success of December 11.


Earlier in the week, Rhett voiced that he'd go to Delta to watch our nephew's wrestling tournament saturday morning. I reminded him about MoTab Friday night. I could see he'd rather not go, so I decided to take my mom instead, she was really excited and appreciated the opportunity more then Rhett. So Rhett was going to watch our son, I was going to pick up my mom from work, and it was going to be a magical Christmas night.

But I didn't get to go.



Through Rhett misunderstanding that in order for me to attend, he had to leave the hospital and come retrieve our son, and my dad's store being too busy for him to watch RJ so we could leave, I ended up sadly watching the clock, trying to call Rhett and listening to his voicemail message over and over, realizing it wouldn't work out. At one point after my Dad started closing his store, we got in the car to try to get there, but it took 15 minutes of shopper traffic to go 2 blocks. Molly had our tickets, and I knew I'd ruin the concert for her to have to leave their seats to give us tickets, park, get to the conference center, miss half of it, and dump my kid off on my dad last minute. Where was my husband??? We were stopped at a light and I told my mom this was ridiculous, it's too late, we should just go home. She agreed. I called Molly.

"Molly, I am so mad at Rhett....because [hiccup] I can't [snif] come tonight [bawling]!!!"

Ok. It's just a Christmas concert and you were bawling? Get over it and get a life. People are homeless, soldiers in Iraq, jobless, people are suffering, starving, etc. Poor little princess didn't get to ride the Christmas pony or meet the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Alright, I see your point. But in that moment, all the stress, anger, exhaustion, disappointment, sadness, surfaced when I had to say it out loud that I couldn't go.

I know it's just a Christmas concert, but it's THE Christmas concert and we're moving out of state next summer (most likely) and I probably can't go for the next 3 years!

It was just like the scene from Meet Me In St. Louis. You know the one. John Truit can't get his tuxedo from the tailor due to basketball practice and Ester is bawling. It was only a dance, he ruined their date, but it was worth crying over. And my MoTab disappointment was worth crying over. I'd been dressed up for hours, running around town, calling Rhett every 10 minutes. It was so sad to me. Then I was embarrassed I was crying over something like that. Self loathing my emotional wimpiness. So we went back to my dad's store, helped him close, and drove home. RJ fell asleep so I was up in his room rocking him, dressed to kill I might add. I had got the little card out from the MAC makeup chick and followed her instructions as carefully as possible for my big downtown Christmas dream, and there I was all dressed up, makeup smudged all around my face, rocking RJ and sadly just letting a big fat tear grab another hunk of mascara to drag down my face every couple of minutes.

Rhett came home and was shocked I was there, and we figured out the miscommunication, his phone had died, or something, and he felt horrible. But by then sense was beginning to kick back in as the little girl inside of me was being cried out. He took RJ and went to Delta for his weekend plans, and I was OK. Disappointed, but OK.

I realize I get too dramatic and excited over stuff and I get my expectations too high. They do show the concert on PBS on Christmas Eve usually. So hopefully I'll get to see that at least. So before I went to bed, I had consoled myself into reality. The world will go on and my 2009 Christmas season can still be happy without Natalie and the Choir.