Our Lawn Mullet

Tonight I realized our lawn is nature's version of a mullet. But before I delve deeper, a history of our lawn.

Last August when we moved in it was beautifully manicured, bright green and as good as grass can be for Missouri. As renters, one of the main reasons we rent is to avoid yard care. The previous renters owned a riding mower and had mowed in exchange for $ off their rent. We had no mower and were not interested in mowing the acre-plus yard, so the landlord was going to hire someone to take care of it. Last fall it was hit and miss, but it wasn't too bad. From previous posts, the story unfolds that both the landlord and the lawn care dude flaked out, and the first mowing was in July, and it was no longer considered lawn, but a hay field. Through much more frustration, the lawn care dude finally said it was too unruly and he refused to mow it anymore. We had no where to go. Rhett called every listing under lawn care and for different reasons, no one could or would take over the lawn care.

School began again and Rhett was stressed with school, and the lawn was a growing (literally) frustration for him. So I pulled a Sheila (my mom) and went and bought a mower and said I would mow it because he had no time and we'd take it out of our rent. We got a great deal on a push mower, but it does have the self-propel feature. I've never mowed a lawn, in my family that particular chore was very gender-role delegated. Chicks don't mow lawns.

I was thinking about this--is it common for chicks to mow their lawn? Instantly an image of a middle aged woman in a saggy red bikini top strapped around a tan/leathery wrinkly torso with a stretch- marked doughy stomach spilling over jean cut off shorts, so short the white pocket corners hang below the hem, sitting on top of cellulite, lumpy thighs laced with bulging varicose veins which travel down to worn hiking boots without laces filled my mind. I don't know if this image was a repressed memory of my childhood, but I busted up laughing and thought of myself in this class of chicks-that-mow-their-lawn category.

The yard is so big I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain the whole thing with a 20" wide mower, so I decided to keep the grass immediately around the house well trimmed and mow the rest of the acreage once, maybe twice a month. After 2 hours of mowing, I stood looking at my job and cracked up laughing as the realization that before me I had created mother nature's mullet.
Business in front, party in back.

I even had unintentionally contributed the reverse Mohawk through the middle. Sweet.

I have considered mowing parking spaces into the field portion for when guests visit. They really do have to park on the lawn because we live on a highway, and that would be pretty funny to me...but then again, I may not have friends after this post. Hmmm. Willing to associate with borderline white trash???