Poor Rhett & His "Condition"

Rhett is in his Obstetric/ Gynecology rotation this month. He was on call last night and tonight, and he just sleeps at the hospital in the physician's lounge. Sad not to seem him for 48+ hours, especially when he's just sleeping on the job anyway. Let me explain.

When I spoke with him briefly this afternoon and asked if he got any sleep last night he said: "Oh ya. I got plenty of sleep....but Dr. ____ was up all night."

Me: "what? What the crap were YOU doing?"

Rhett: "well, we went to sleep a while a lady was in labor. I knew we'd be getting up soon so I was in my scrubs and just laying on top of my bed. And all the sudden I woke up and it was 6am. So I got up and showered and was going to round on his patients, thinking, that lady is still in labor? What is going on? But I didn't want to wake Dr. ___up so I didn't knock on his door but saw him as he was coming in and asked him what was going on. He told me 4 hours earlier he'd opened my door and said: We've got that delivery. I apparently told him OK. So he ran up there and I never showed up.

Me: Ohhh, Rhett, didn't you tell him you talk in your sleep!

Rhett: I warned him! I told him--a couple of times-- that I sleep really deep so he needs to make sure I'm awake. He said I was talking to him, kind of insinuating that I was awake and just decided to not get out of bed last night. I told him how I have full conversations asleep and the marital strain it can cause and that tonight he should spray my face with water or get a fog horn...

Me: [thinking] even that may not work

Rhett: ...I have a slight memory of his head popping into my dream, but I guess it was his real head popping into my room to tell me to get to work. And then he was busy with other patients all night long, probably so mad at me sleeping away and never showing up while he was running all around.

Me: Well I guess it's good you don't want to be an OB and say goodbye to a good eval from him... maybe I can come testify for you, does he like cinnamon rolls?

Rhett: Well after I explained, he and all the nurses have been teasing me so hopefully it isn't totally over, but I told them I usually have 3 alarm clocks and a wife so they have to step it up a notch tonight. A quick pop-in just isn't enough if I'm asleep.

So hopefully they will drench him tonight. Maybe Rhett needs to find a specialty with zero potential to be on call---hmmm....derm? I wouldn't mind.

This reminded me of the time I've never been more upset with my husband.

We'd been married a little over two years and were living in ghetto salt lake city. Rhett at the time worked nights 7on and 7 off. I was preparing to leave for the weekend to go to St. George with my girl friends and accidentally locked myself out of the house. We were renting an old duplex with no air conditioning so all summer we slept in the unfinished basement with the windows open. It was probably 10 am-ish and after locking myself out of the house, I ran into the back yard to the open window. Rhett got home from work at 7am so by this time he was in his deep coma-like sleep. I yelled his name for a long time. He didn't even stir. I increased the volume of my voice. I was now screaming "Rhett! Rhett! Wake up!" Nothing. At this point it seemed like I'd been yelling for 5 minutes. Volume wasn't helping so I veered into panic/ save my life mode thinking the valiant noble husband would rouse to save a pitiful wife in need.

"Rhett help me! I need your help! Rhett! You need to get them! Ouch! HELP me! PLEASE! I beg you! Rhett! Help me!" I shouted as loud as I could for a long while. I was nervous the all the near-living neighbors would hear me and call the cops hearing all this shouting and potential violence.

I think he may have rolled onto his other side at this point.

I was ticked. I kept screaming and he finally lazily opened his eyes to see me crouched in the window. "Rhett. GO OPEN THE FRONT DOOR."

Slowly blinking, Rhett stares in my direction. He gets up and walks over to the window.

"Rhett. I am so mad. Get up and go open the front door!!"

He says OK, turns, and starts walking toward the stairs. Finally! I run around the house to the front door. I wait a couple of seconds....I ring the doorbell.

Nothing.

You've got to be kidding me!!! I ring the doorbell at least 20 times in quick succession followed by a good pounding on the front door, screaming "Rhett!!" I kicked the door to finalize my fury and ran all the way around to the back again. There he was, but now he was snuggled with a blanket up around his head.

I was so mad I was shaking. After all my screaming and fake trauma, he stood up and got himself a blanket rather than going to open the door. I decided it was worth buying a new screen and I kicked it in and somehow fit my large frame through the slit-like window, mumbling mean spirited remarks rather loudly the whole time. I just left for my trip and didn't say goodbye.

Later that day I recounted the whole story to Rhett on the phone. How I couldn't believe he could sleep through a person screaming his name for eons, let alone his wife screaming for help. I remember telling him someone would come in and kill me in the bed next to him one night and he wouldn't wake up.

He chuckled as I retold my rant and said: "You must have been the cow in my dream."

What are you talking about? I asked.

"I was having this dream and this cow kept mooing...it was so annoying. I remember getting up and walking to the window and the mooing stopped. I remember not knowing why I got up and figured I needed a blanket so I got one and went back to sleep. I guess you were the cow....Rrrhheeeeeeeeeettttttttttttt! Rrrhheeeeeeeettttt! It kind of sounds like mooing when you hold it out like that."

I laughed and said I felt like a cow squishing through that little window.

Needless to say, I can definitely empathize with Dr. ____ at how frustrating it is to have a conversation with someone and expect their help only to find them snuggled up asleep the whole time.

Actually, maybe Dr. ___ was glad so he didn't have a student to slow him down and Rhett will *accidentally sleep through the wake up call again tonight.